not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
they need to just BURY HIM!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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