I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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