if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize