he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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