And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
