I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
