Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
