i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
