You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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