Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
