Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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