Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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