Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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