Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
