ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
