i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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