i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
