i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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