my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
