But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
