i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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