dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
