You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
