4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
