Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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