Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
