; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
