Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm having to shit out rocks
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
