He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
