Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize