He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just invented taco cereal.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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