So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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