needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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