So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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