Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
