sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
