I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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