If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
