Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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