is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
