Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
