he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
