She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
