All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize