based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize