im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
