I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm passing your future prison.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
