saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
