you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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