she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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