Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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