I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
