i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
