; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
