shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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