Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
