singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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