His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
