FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
