...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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