is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
