I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
