update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
