threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
