wrigley field is MILF paradise
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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