I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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