I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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