Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
