That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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