just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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